Stop The Name Calling

So recently the old yawn worthy debate of stripper vs non-stripper has come up time and time again on my newsfeed.

The reason I say ‘yawn worthy’ is not to disrespect anyone’s opinion in said debates, but for me to say my piece and just get over it.

I’m so bored of this pointless aggression. We don’t need it. As a pole community we face so many issues from the outside non-pole world that we shouldn’t be turning on each other.

Saying Your Piece

It’s important to remember that unless you’re talking face to face with someone, it’s so easy to get the wrong end of the stick – especially if you’re looking for it.

I know if I read an article about pole within the non-poling community, if I scroll down I will see some comments that indirectly call me and what I do all kinds of names. I don’t need it from anyone outside of our community and I certainly don’t need it from anyone within it.

So why bother looking and getting into an argument that no-one can win?

If I go looking for someone calling me something I find distasteful who cares?! I’m not going to waste one more second on these trolls. All they want is to provoke you and get a reaction. I know I don’t have that kind of time.

The problem we often have is when those comments turn to the old ‘I’m not a stripper, what I do is fitness’ ones… and the whole stripper vs non-stripper debate explodes…again.

Please Just Stop It!

Who cares what someone does for a living?

I don’t care what anyone else does with their life as long as they don’t hurt anyone else.

I have no business judging anyone – especially for something that doesn’t need to be judged. I get judged for teaching pole and who cares?

I’m making my money how I like and paying my bills.

Back in the day when I was shaking my ass on a bar and throwing champagne all over the place I was definitely judged! (Think Coyote Ugly!) I was called names and shamed by the people who came in and yes, had glasses thrown at me… more than once (If only they poled they may have been able to throw a little harder 😉 )

But you know what? That was such a fun job. I literally could do anything I wanted. I was told to swear and shout at customers if they were being rude. I put my pole up on a table and swung around from the pipes on the ceiling (which I later found out were not at-all well secured!)

There were people online who were saying we were (enter derogatory name here) and couldn’t dance, had no life… blah blah blah.

Did I let it get me down? Hell no. I was having the time of my life.

So I’ve had it from both ends. The fitness aspect has been judged and my evening poling has been judged. I understand why (perhaps ignorant) people judge pole who don’t know any better, and refuse to try it judge us. I think it’s silly, but I get it – and that’s why their opinion means nothing.

But everyone is entitled to their opinion.

What I don’t get is the divide in our community that we just don’t need. No one is going to throw either the fitness or the stripper part of pole at you, unless you want it. So live and let live. Poling is hard and we need all the support we can get.

No judgement please – we are all awesome polers 😀

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Comments From the PoleFreaks Community:

  1. Hi there!
    I really enjoyed reading this article. Too often am I asked if I am a lap dancer when I simply talk about my pole class.
    No matter what we do, or how we do it, we are going to be judged. It would be nice to have a little more compassion and understanding in this world, but perhaps we need to ignore what other people think, and just get on with it (which is so much easier said than done).
    I believe we can motivate and encourage each other, like you just did to me with this article.
    We’re fit, healthy, happy and sexy. Let’s own it!

  2. I appreciate the article. I am a 50 year old mother of 2 girls and my youngest daughter (who is the pride of my life) got me started on pole. When she first started this area of fitness all I could say was “good for you” If you can take your dance into your adult activities then the money I paid for all those classes isn’t wasted when you turn 18. She got me started and I love every minute of it. She has done Burlesque shows and while I don’t want her to have to work in a bar in any aspect for her entire life, I would never judge her for paying her own bills. Pole is pole and I have a whole new respect for those who use the pole to make a living cuz that stuff is hard. Keep the blog going and please stop talking down to each other. No one is perfect and everyone must do what they can to make it in this world. Take time to be happy and respect each other for being strong, independent and healthy women. (or men)

  3. Hello!

    Great article and great point. The irony here is that actual strippers typically have the necessary experience to actually not care what they are called – since they’ve clocked thousands of hours over several years of being called (to their face) worse things than would show up on a comment board. I actually wish non-strippers and even men could get this same education through experience, but alas, it’s a rare work environment that has hundreds of beautiful women in a highly competitive environment, all supporting each other — trust me, it’s truly a beautiful thing. Whenever one of my girls gets upset over being called something by someone, I always have them reflect on and answer these questions:
    1. Do you think that you are a (fill in the name/word they were called)? 2. And how do you know that? OR Why do you think that? 3. So who this person to you? 4. And how exactly do they affect your life?
    5. So why are we talking about this again?

    Nobody likes to be accused of being or doing something they are not being or doing. And 9.9 times out of 10 – the answers to these questions do a few things: Allows the accused to defend their position (because that’s why comment board arguments even happen) and be completely heard/understood and believed without interruption; reminds the accused that the accuser is ultimately of no real importance to their life and (if they’re smart as most strippers I’ve met are) makes them feel silly that they are getting upset by someone who is absolutely meaningless to them.

    Just LOVE THE POLE!!!

  4. I love pole dancing/fitness and for a long time, I felt like it was something I had to hide or was made to feel ashamed of. I danced in my younger years and loved it. I made great money and was able to pay my own bills and I simply loved to dance. As I started to get older I knew I didn’t want to dance all my life so I went to college, earned a couple degrees, got married and have a family, and hold a professional job but the love for it never died. I’m am so glad to see that there is an entire community of people who share this same interest/passion. I might not be wearing platform heels any time soon but I just ordered my first X Pole and cannot wait to get back into the best physical condition I have ever been in doing something I love!! Thanks for all the tutorials and encouraging post and photos! Forty-one year old mom of four.

  5. Thanks for a great article. I am a 50 year old poler who has 2 teenage boys. While my boys understand that i pole for fitness (just like other mums attend aerobics classes!) they go to great lengths to keep my “secret” from all their mates, because of all the negativity surrounding pole. Very sad that the industry (in all its forms) is judged so harshly.

  6. I just had this conversation with a pole sister of mine regarding a competition judge who wants to ban strippers from competing, and I was so angry at the injustice and discrimination against the women who made this pole fitness possible for all of us! If we pole dance, we must embrace the history of it and we must acknowledge that we started dancing to connect with our sensual feminine power. I’m so with you on this!

  7. Hey Holly! Thanks so much for another great article. I too am BORED BORED BORED by this constant conversation. As women, are we not supposed to be supporting each other’s decisions and life choices, now that we (and our foremothers) have fought so hard to earn the right to decide? Most of us now are blessed to have complete autonomy over our bodies, and what we choose to do with them. But we are still shaming each other!!! Women, shaming women??!!! WTF??!!! Yes, men are going to do it, we know that. But aren’t we supposed to be one big pole community? I’m sad to say that the longer I am in the industry (going on 8 years now) the more I know this to be utter rubbish. I don’t think I’ve ever worked in a community that is so judgmental, so opinionated, so quick to judge. And that makes me super sad. Our school works really really hard to make a safe, welcoming place for ladies (and men) to learn to love their bodies and what they can do, just as much as what they look like. I don’t care what they do, what they’ve done, nor what they care to do in the future. As their teacher, and mentor, I just want them to feel that, within our four walls, they can be, and do, just whatever they please.
    Come on pole community, where’s the love??? Aren’t we all supposed to be on the same side?


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