Dating A Pole Dancer: 7 Challenges To Face

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Dating A Pole Dancer: 7 Challenges To Face

Despite its growing popularity, the world of pole dancing is still surrounded by mystery, myths and stereotypes.

It’s exotic, they say, it’s an achievement, they say… but does anybody really understand what a pain in the ass a pole dancing girlfriend could be?

The ugly truth is:

1. Striptease on Demand?

Here comes the first disappointment – we’re not all strippers. I can’t guarantee that you won’t get lucky, but generally – forget it, boys. It’s really awkward to rip off the minimal clothing we normally wear. After all, the pole is meant for our heroic deeds, not to satisfy your needs.

2. Photo/Video Terrorism

Watching photos and videos of new tricks and combos will become your first and foremost responsibility. So you’d better develop your Zen and patience skills. And don’t you even dare to say that you’re not interested – you were asking for it.

3. You Won’t Be Number 1

If you appeared in her life after the sacred pole, then you’d better be a real crush for her. Otherwise I don’t see a single reason why she’d put you on the top of her priorities’ list.

4. That Awkward Moment…

… when her biceps are bigger than yours. If you’re 7 months pregnant with beer and food, then this is likely to happen. It’s nothing personal, Sonny – it’s strictly reality.

5. May The Pain Be With You

Not your pain, obviously, but hers. Bruises hurt, so “don’t touch me here, don’t touch me there” will be between you forever. By the way, we’re all amazingly proud of our never-healing bruises, so please watch, praise, but don’t touch.

6. She’s An Animal In Bed

But more like a Garfield-style animal asking “Love me, feed me, never leave me”, which literally means “Bring me food, wrap me in the blanket and disappear.”

7. Other Guys WILL Still Envy You

The only positive point on the list. Your pole dancing girlfriend’s temper may be a two-in-one Alien and Predator combined, but nobody knows it. Your friends will only see the amazing exterior and imagine everyday lap dances, so they WILL envy you. Trust me 🙂

Frightened enough by the perspectives? Relax now – I have no experience dating anyone as a pole dancer, so I had to switch on my vivid imagination to write the list. So, it may be not that awful after all 😉

Category: Discussion

About NataljaG

In 2013, in one of those moments when you decide to turn your life around 180, I stepped into a pole dance class. That night I couldn’t sleep because my whole body was aching like hell, but in the morning I knew – there was no coming back. Pole dancing has given me my dancing “career” back inspiring me, giving me strength and saying “yes, you can do it”. In normal life I’m a tremendously serious person working in a serious company, but as soon as I get to the class – woooo-hoooo – that’s where all the real fun begins. I wish there were more information about pole dancing in the Internet… but if you don’t do it, no one will, so I decided to start with myself and share everything I can and know.

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21 Comments to “Dating A Pole Dancer: 7 Challenges To Face”

  1. Kieron Jackson says:

    I am married to Ley ‘poleguns’ Jackson and can attest that this list is so very very true and factual…………..

    • Klara says:

      I hate pole dancing!!! My daughter joined some pole dancers group.
      I don’t want to listen to all excuses behind it. IT IS NOT SPORT FOR REAL.
      I feel like my life is broken. I am so ashamed that she is interested in this so much.
      I just can’t look at these girls they look empty.
      There are so many sports in this world, why this.?
      It just make me cry . I never knew I would have to put up with this.
      I thought I was a decent mother giving a good advice. It looks like there is other influence.
      Sport is for everybody and it is not born in man’s club. And what is the message:
      For many many people is cheap and shallow. I wish I could stop crying inside.

      • Christina D. says:

        Wow! You are pretty messed up in your way of thinking. Do some research before you pass such critical judgment! Pole started as a sport for men by men! Not in a gentleman’s club! Your daughter is the one who should be ashamed, of you!

      • tanner says:

        Wow. If anyone should ashamed it should be your daughter to call you her mother. Pole is a sport. Do research before you open your ignorant bigot mouth. What will you say when it is an Olympic sport? Which it is well on its way to being one in a couple of years. Man. Talk about ignorance.

      • Emma says:

        You probably need to go tell all that to a shrink lady because you’re hatred, dhame and bigotry are probably going to cause you health problems down the line.

      • Karen says:

        I can understand why you may feel like that if you do not have all the information on what pole is all about.
        I started pole dancing nearly three years ago, I was body – conscious, unfit and had few friends having moved to a new place.
        When i started pole dancing every class was female only, the only time men are allowed in the studio was if they were taking part in a class. I wore leggings and a vest tops to most classes to begin with, until I realised I needed to expose a little more skin to be able to do the moves safely. Pole dance is very much a combination of aerobic, cardio and resistance training, with gymnastics, ballet, modern dance and contortion thrown in. Most of the warm ups we do contain a mixture of yoga and pilates.
        Now, three years on I’m confident about my body and will happily wear swimming costumes with no shame. I’m the fittest and strongest I’ve ever been in my life and I have a great circle of supportive friends to boot.
        I have a well respected job in a big corporate, my other pole buddies have professional careers too ranging from lawyers, underwriters, scientists, marketeers, teachers and so on. We don’t ‘strip’, we don’t get paid to do this, we actually pay good money to professional instructors to help us build our strength, confidence and push our bodies to perform gravity defying moves which are genuinely awe inspiring. Some dancers create some amazing routines and demonstrate a musicality in their performances that they belong in a theatre.
        I hope you take he time to learn about your daughter’s hobby and realise that pole dance is not shameful, it’s just misunderstood.

      • Judy says:

        Dear Klara–

        I read your message multiple times.
        You are entitled to your opinion about any subject, whether pole dancing is a sport or not, whether pineapple belongs on pizza or not… we all have our opinions. But saying that someone is empty is plain unacceptable, especially without knowing them.

        You say you think you are a “decent” mother, yet you don’t care enough about your own daughter to look past your narrow mindedness and learn more about what she likes and support her in all ways a decent mother would support their child, with compassion and acceptance. You care more about yourself, justifying the unjustifiable; your own hate. I know this because you wrote on this forum just to judge and hurt. You are not crying because of your daughter, you are crying because you are full of raging hate and it’s hurting you from the inside.

        My mother (a respected lawyer, just so you don’t think she’s “empty” without knowing her) was really excited when I (a young, educated professional) told her I found a great sport and hobby, made lots of friends and got into the best shape of my life.

        Hope this helps you and I wish you and your daughter can talk about it in a civilized manner and find peace.

      • Alivia says:

        you seem to have commented on the wrong page.. one thing you do not do is complain about something on a page of that thing… everyone will hate you…. i think your daughter made a good decision.. i tried it, just coz i saw it.. and i would never look back I’m 10 times fitter now and feel better then ever before. best decision I’ve made in my life.. maybe try a few classes before judging.. coz now your daughter has started… she’s not gonna stop.

      • Jane says:

        I believe your view of what makes your daughter acceptable is cheap and shallow. I truly pity the poor girl. Pole is challenging, fun, builds a great camaraderie and is better for fitness than anything else I ever found (am Im a qualified gym instructor). It’s is sad that ignorant Nd ill informed attitudes such as yours still exist. I’d suggest a ticket to the real world – or have a go yourself instead of bitching about something you have absolutely no comprehension of. Oh, send my hugs to your daughter, to continue in spite of your vicious, and even publicly stated vitriol shows some true character. She’s turned out okay despite you. Well done!

      • BuniLynn Thomas says:

        Really??? Did you read what you wrote? You should be ashamed of yourself. It IS A SPORT and takes more talent than I have ever endured. I hold 5 certifications in group fitness, yoga, and personal training. I have now found a great new way to enjoy my strenth and the beauty of my body and the flexibility. Not to mention, getting back into my self, You sound like you are jealous and most likely not an athletic type of person. Encourage your daughter….maybe, just maybe, she does not want to end up looking like you.

        • BuniLynn Thomas says:

          BTW, I am a mother of two girls and one son. All college educated, well traveled and encouraged in everything positive, I am 53 bought a Harley Davidson motorcycle, a pole and by GOD, I am going to enjoy the life he gave me!!!!!! You are so shallow and Pious, not in the christian way at least. Go out and take some classes with her! You may find a real woman behind that old fashioned clothing you wear. I guarantee, your husband will appreciate it and if don’t have one, perhaps you were to hypacritical to keep him. Nothing personal…just really read the selfishness in your post.

      • Maria Sannemann says:

        Maybe you could try it and see for yourself, before you judge?

      • Jackie says:

        Really…your upset because your daughter pole dances….let me tell you pole dancing saved my life and many other girls I know. It has transformed my mind body and soul. So I agree…do your research before you judge!!!!!


  2. Holly Munson says:

    Hi Klara,

    You have done something right as a mother – your daughter is brave enough to stand up for what she wants, especially when she faces such harsh criticism. She must be a strong lady.

    There’s a lot of people who would disagree with you (over 160,000 people on this site alone) The difference with us pole dancers is that we do not judge others. What we do is special to us. We all have different background and come from different places. Yes, some from strip clubs and others are those in ‘well respected’ jobs. Take a look around you – my students are police officers, doctors, teachers, nurses, strippers, dancers and all those in between.

    I’m not going to attack you as you have us ‘I just can’t look at these girls they look empty’ There’s no point. You are entitled to your opinion, and us ours. If you don’t want to look at us you don’t have to. Although as Pole Fitness grows, you are likely to see it everywhere.

    All the best,


  3. Tina says:

    Well, Klara…. I feel like you’ve already taken the first step towards accepting it. Mayne without even noticing? You went online on a pole dancing page. You, apparently, informed yourself and watched some videos (why else would you say, pole dancers ‘look empty’?) and you’ve learned that people practice this as a sport.
    I find it’s great that you’re taking such big interest in what your daughter does and many kids would be lucky to have a mother like you, that’s trying to protect her kids.
    Keep doing what you’re doing – watch some videos, do some research and I am sure, your problem will end up solving itself 🙂

  4. Celticgal says:

    Oh Klara, I feel as bad for you as I do for your daughter. You are approaching her new found passion from a place of ignorance. I don’t mean that in a negative way, but simply from a place where you have a lack of knowledge. Certainly pole dancing gained notoriety from being performed in strip clubs, however pole dancing is so much older than that with its roots in Chinese pole and Indian Mallakhamb. It is a sport that has been around for a thousand years and is competitively performed by both men AND women. There is also a strong push to make pole dancing an Olympic sport. Simply put, it is gymnastics, but with a vertical bar, instead of parallel bars.

    I would encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and learn about your daughter’s interest. It is not what you think.

    As for being “empty,” again, you are making a judgement call with very little knowledge. As a late 30-something, happily married professional with a graduate degree, empty is not a word anyone could use to describe me, or my pole dancing journey to improved fitness. Confident, empowering, camaraderie, supportive, strong, fit, graceful, artistic, beautiful, expressive…these are words that describe pole dancing. And they describe your daughter too.

  5. Kieron Jackson says:

    Hi Kiara,

    Way to go reinforcing that stereotype. When pole becomes an Olympic sport, I say ‘when’ because it is going to be one, I sincerely hope you don’t support your countries team. Maybe’s your daughter will be included within its numbers? My wife often comes home from teaching her classes and tells me about the good she feels she is doing for her students, many of whom have issues and how pole has boosted their confidence and diminished their problems.

    You need to open both your mind and eyes and stop looking at pole with the narrow minded connotations that you have chosen to hold onto to.

  6. Christina D. says:

    It is way more positive than that! lol Not every person shares those problems with you. My boyfriend even does some of his own tricks on the pole! Pole has improved so many areas of my life and his. We both love it, me more,of course! 🙂

  7. Ginny may says:

    Dear readers.

    I am 41. I have been doing pole FITNESS for seven months now. I am a mother of independent grown up children. My children are proud of me for taking up pole.

    I am certainly not empty. I an certainly glad that I am not held back by what other people may think. Imagine a life of not doing what pleases you because of what others may think?

    Pole is my hobby, it’s the first hobby I have had since having children 23 years ago. It fulfills me with so much. I am stronger inside and out. More confident. Making pole fiends along the way and meeting new people. Setting myself goals. And the feeling when you achieve a new move, hold or spin is amazing.

    Being a beauty therapist, I have a lot of one to one time with my clients. I have told all of my ladies about my hobby. Most of them would love to have a go. Not once have I been frowned upon. So negativity must be a minority. Also, i think you have to question why another women would be so negative and judgemental? Maybe it makes her feel insecure about herself. Or maybe she had a husband visit a strip club. Maybe frustration and jealousy of not really doing or achieving their own goals.

    The first class I attended I was so frightened however, there was five of us including myself. Two ladies were a few years older than my me and one a mere 21 years old. I looked at the young girl who’s body was amazing and looked at myself…” Hey” I thought, I’m not here for anyone else’s enjoyment, just mine, so does it really matter what I look like… NO! There’s no man going to want to tuck ten quid into my gym shorts.. So that clearly not my goal!

    I would love to see pole go all the way to the really is a sport.

    Ginny x

  8. Andrea says:

    Hello Klara,
    You need to be more informed about this SPORT. Pole fitness is growing into one of the most popular exercises to date. And please dont slander the name of exotic/bikini dancers or strippers just because they use their sexual appeal to make money for their family doesnt mean they are any less than what an athlete is because they sell their bodies just like dancers do its just your moral outlook. I am an ex exotic dancer and it is the whole reason why I am a pole fitness instructor now. Before you decide to judge your child again take a look in the mirror and judge yourself see how it truly feels. I feel bad for your daughter to have such a judgemental mother.

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